It’s not that I thought the people in my life would be unwilling to help, mostly, I just didn’t want to interrupt them and what they were doing, sometimes I didn’t want to admit I needed help, other times I didn’t want anyone to know the true extent of what was happening because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me (mostly Randi). For example, for the first couple weeks I fell almost every night on my way to the bathroom, but I was always able to pick myself up, so I didn’t tell Randi. Also, I took showers, but I couldn’t feel if there was shampoo still in my hair and it was really hard to keep myself upright as I was trying to do shower things, I certainly couldn’t shave my legs- I couldn’t grasp the razor or bend over without falling over. But I didn’t tell anyone until I went to get my haircut and I told my stylist how good it felt to have truly clean hair after 4 weeks of not being able to do it myself properly. Randi overheard and immediately felt bad that I hadn’t asked for help. At work, I would drop things and I’d try to pick them up, but I couldn’t grip them. My co-workers would see me struggle and offer to help, but I was stubborn saying, “No, I can get it, thank you.” Then, I’d continue to struggle until I either got it or they came and got it anyway.
That went on until I fell and couldn’t get up on my own. It happened more times than I care to admit, but twice the experience stood out to me… I fell at work, flat on my back and I hit my head hard. It happened right in front of my co-worker’s desk and my supervisor heard the crack of my head on the tile and came running. I laid flat on my back, staring at the ceiling absolutely mortified while they checked me over and helped me up. Of course, I burst into tears, not because it hurt (it did), but because I was embarrassed. The other time, I was home alone. Our bed is one of those fancy ones that is adjustable to zero gravity or helps you sit up or put your feet up. The bed was adjusted, and I was trying to get up, but I fell backward wedged in between the head of the bed and the foot of the bed, like I was the taco filling, and the bed was the shell. Lol. I tried to use my hands and feet, I tried to throw my body this way and that, but I was stuck. My phone had landed under me, and I couldn’t get to it, my watch was dead on the nightstand, and I was panicking. I yelled for Siri to call Randi, but she couldn’t hear or chose not to work. I was actually quite impressed with my panicked brain, suddenly my mouth yelled out to Alexa and told her to message Randi! Soon, Randi’s mom was there helping me up! But I was so embarrassed! I was in a nightgown, and I was a mess from panic crying and thrashing around. UGH.
Being forced to ask for help didn’t make it any easier, especially when I knew I was being an inconvenience, but eventually I just didn’t have a choice. My lesson in this was two-fold: 1) try to not be so stubborn, needing help isn’t the end of the world, and 2) be gentle with those who seem put out when you ask; they’re dealing with things too and they’re doing their best. Additionally, I’d ask you to be gentle with those asking for help; remember it’s not easy for them. And, if they haven’t asked, don’t make them; offer something in a way that tells them you’re doing it. Ex. “I’d like to make you dinner, what’s a good day for me to bring it by” not “can I make you dinner?” or “do you need meals?” Better yet, send them a gift card to their favorite delivery place or to Uber Eats so they can choose. Most of us want to help, but don’t want to intrude. And those who need help don’t want to inconvenience and/or they may not even know what they need. They’re maxed out just trying to get from day to day, hour to hour, or even minute to minute.
