August 8, 2021


Hello to allllll of my fans out there. I love each and every one of you. If I had the time I would thank you all personally with a beautiful handwritten card but I don’t have time to knock out the two correspondences today so mom and wife will have to wait. Today, we are going to discuss fashion.

MY FASHION! (Stop laughing, mom). A brief description of me: I’m a member of the LGBTQ+ community (I am an “L”). I am a lady and happy to be a lady except for at a sporting event or concert after a few beverages. At that point I am willing to learn all about the troughs in the men’s bathroom I’ve heard tales about. Though I am a lady I almost always gravitate towards men’s clothing. The cuts, colors and styles are much more me and I do not have the shoulders for a sleeveless dress. So I guess I could just zip over to the men’s section and load up. Come on fellow masculine lesbians! LETS GO TO THE MEN’S SECTION!! I’ll grab these pants, and this shirt and a jacket ohhhh and these shorts!! TO THE DRESSING ROOM!!! Let’s start with the pants. They will be too long in length and tight in the thigh. Fine. I will throw this shirt on! It fit’s perfect except for if I want it to fit around my chest the sleeves will drag the floor and also I will find myself in a shirt that is too big and too small at the same time. Same with the jacket. Again FINE! I will just get these shorts! WHAT THE HECK IS THIS LENGTH? So now that we all feel short and fat let’s zip over the ladies section! These pants will fit! Where the hell are the pockets and why are they so tight in the crotch? STRUGGLES! Luckily, after 39 years I have located the right men’s pants, the right women’s shirts and we as a community of humans have brought back the 1950’s shorts length for gentlemen which fit just right on this gal! The point: Imagine this struggle in the LGBTQ+ wedding scene! You wander into a suit store (because I will NOT wear a dress) and here comes Judy. She got fired from the florist and now sells men’s suits! “Judy, I need a suit that looks manly and girly in all the right places; longer in the stride, shorter in the inseam, wider in the chest but not too short but not too long!” Judy with that dang face JUDGING ME!! BUT WAIT!!! I look in the window and I see a Safe Spaces Wedding Sticker. Ok Phew!!!! Judy is just having a day and is actually fine helping me find a men’s jacket that will have to be HEAVILY tailored. FIX YOUR FACE JUDY GEEZ!